Kati Stidham Remembered

I met Kati on a Cathedral Singles Ski Trip to McCall in January, 1994.  She and her niece, Bridget, shared a room with me at the Quaker Hill Lodge.  There were lots of giggles and a few tears during our weekend stay there.  Kati's sense of humor and ability to tell stories piqued my interest from the moment I met her.  She kept all of us awake for hours telling us how she managed to block out her desire for intimacy by saying lots of rosaries.  The rest of the weekend we joked about our "block out beads."  She cried huge tears on the bus back to Boise, obviously still grieving the loss of her 30-year marriage.  I was a bit farther along in my attempt to be single again so I became her shoulder to cry on.  We did a lot of that early on, but soon those tears turned into huge smiles for us.

I coaxed her into a Cursillo weekend in April and she met my dear friend, Maxine Hoene.  The three of us formed our own little reunion group after the weekend.  We met at 6 AM to share our faith and "close moments to Christ" until I moved to Grangeville in 1995.  

By October, I must've been considered like family because she invited me to her daughter, Samantha's wedding and we danced the night away.  Tom Hoene made sure we got out on the dance floor and we participated in the chicken dance, the Macarina, and YMCA.

Kati and her sisters, Mary, Judy, Brook and Jane

Kati and our single friends celebrating my graduation from Boise State in 1995

She humored me by going out to the Iris farm in Emmett in May, 1997.  I wanted to buy the iris for her new home in Boise.  

 Kati, Maxine, and I travelled to Washington, DC, in October, 2004

         I received an 8x10 photo in the mail after our visit with Larry Craig.  We all liked our images, but Kati really hated that Senator Craig was in it.  I've thought about trying to photo-shop him out!

My favorite picture of my dear friend, 04/17/05

My grandkids with her dog, Poika!

 We spent a few days in Victoria, BC, in May, 2006

The first night on our River Cruise 07/03/07 happened to be her 66th birthday and the captain and crew came to our table to sing happy birthday to her.  She blamed me for the breach, but we learned later that the crew knew about all passenger birthdays and hers just happened to be the first one they celebrated.  

She really liked to shop and this is one of her favorite travel outfits

Our last day in Amsterdam, culminating 16 days on a River Cruise through Germany in 2007

 Colin loved Kati's dog, Poika.  One of her best memories of Colin is that 4th of July weekend in 2008 when he told her, "you need to give Poika some water so he doesn't get dehydrated."

Another friend, Sina, and I met Kati in Vancouver, BC, in August, 2009

Just as pretty as the flowers, she is!!

We had a marvelous visit to Palo Alto in the spring of 2012. Thursday afternoon we made our way to Lytton Gardens, a retirement community, where Kati's friend from Twin Falls, Katherine Scott, now lives.  Kati and I agreed this 94 year young woman made an incredible adjustment!  When we first arrived she offered us a drink.  "I have lots of whiskey."  Her neighbors are Chinese and "very nice, but quiet."  Katherine's outlived two husbands.  "I don't think I ever want to get married again.  Who wants to wait on someone hand and foot?  If I found someone here I'd probably have to learn Chinese."  She did ask Kati if she planned to get married.  Kati explained that she might not get married even if she found the right man.  Katherine responded,  "I'm not going to get married again, why should you?"  "But I have a special friend right now and I'm a little confused about what I should do,"  Kati told this wise woman.  Her response, "don't worry about it, you have a heart big enough for all."  Ah, to be 94, witty, and so wise....  It's one of my dreams for my wisdom years.

Kalle and Christina surprised us with fabulous meals and side trips to San Francisco and Pebble Beach!

This street vendor became Kati's best friend when he agreed to write a special poem for her friend, George.  She had the uncanny ability to speak to strangers and make friends with them.

George and Kati invited me to join them for a few days in Sandpoint, Idaho in July, 2016.  George planned an evening cruise and the most wonderful places to eat.  The special words of her obituary said, "With George, Kati spent the last years of her life exactly as she wanted--enjoying family, friends, travel, and sports!"

And then they invited me to join them in Walla Walla, WA, in June, 2017.  We stayed in a funky AirBnb close to town and again George planned some outings for us - this one Whitman Mission Historical Site.  We also bought Klicker Strawberries and wandered around town tasting wine.  

Today, the day after the celebration of her life, I feel like I'm sitting in that chair all alone, looking out on the sea of my life, now empty without her.  I'm sad!  I recall the words of her nephew Michael Brennan, "you've all mentioned how much Kati loved you.  God is love and God lived in Kati. Yes, He did and I know she loved me and I loved her.  We shared all these trips, but also hours of conversation when we learned acceptance of our single life.  I drew on her human resource experience and called her before I had to terminate an employee.  She calmed me right down, over the phone, and told me what to say.  Her words gave me the confidence I needed.  She loved my Grandchildren and always listened to my stories about them.  Recently, she told me how proud she was of all of hers, especially Annie and Rachel, who were attending college on soccer scholarships.  "You know, I always wanted your Jake and my Annie to meet each other because of their love of soccer," she said.  She and George talked about plans to attend Margaret's college graduation in Scotland.  She'd do almost anything for those grandkids. 

After her funeral yesterday George handed me an envelope and letter I'd written to Kati in 1998.  Kati never knew her own strength or recognized her talents.  This letter described 20 qualities I saw in her, such as witty, compassionate, friendly, kind, sympathetic, courageous, sensitive, and faith-filled. 

The words of John O"Donohue, in his book, "Blessing the Space Between Us," fills me with hope.
When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you feels fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence.
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

Rest in Peace, dear friend!

Christmas, 2018

 Sometimes the best inspirations come at the last minute.  I should be packing up the car and heading up to Moscow for our family’s sock gift exchange, but my morning reflection encouraged me to write down my thoughts this morning.  This is what I read from Genevieve Glen, a Benedictine nun:

                 How do you experience emptiness and expectation as your look forward to

Christmas:  How do you hope for God to fill it---friends, family, peace among 

quarrelers, or material pleasures to dull your painful longings:  How can 

you  cultivate a hope emptied or of self and ready to receive God’s gifts? 

So these are the ways my heart has been filled with hope this holy season:

Trees of Hope!  I delivered 21 trees this year to people who’ve lost a spouse or loved one, to someone facing her 27^th surgery, to a homeless woman, to a family of a nephew accused of vehicular homicide, to people struggling with a kinds of health issues.  Getting hugs and thank you notes filled some of my painful longings…

Christmas Letters!  I received a three page handwritten letter from a neighbor who serves a 40 year prison sentence for video voyeurism and sexual battery.  The Idaho prisons are full so he’s now in Texas.  His words give me hope because he admitted to feeling blessed and being grateful for the little things blessing his life.

Uplifting Emails!  My sister, Joan’s life often makes me grateful for my own.  She struggles with a grumpy boss who rarely thanks her for anything.  She lives a rather isolated life, writing daily to achieve her dream to be a famous published author.  Her Email read,  “Thank you for the unexpected gift check.  I have gotten a lot of joy from my kitchen and will put this toward a new dishwasher.  Every day I smile when I use my new microwave. Never imagined I'd have a beautiful kitchen or how much joy that would give me.  I can't believe I live in this beautiful house.”

Family Promise!  I had the privilege of providing a meal to a homeless family on Wednesday.  Jocelyn, her mother, and two children moved to Lewiston when a typhoon destroyed their home on the island of Saipan.  Her brother plays baseball for LCSC and they’d hoped to live with him.  But the landlord said “no” so she and the children now sleep in different churches every week.  Our local Red Lion Inn will house this family for the three days of Christmas this week and also over New Year’s!

Locomotive Park!  There are lots of pictures of families enjoying Locomotive Park on Face book these days.  And people or long-distant cousins recognizing the vision and dedication my brother, Larry has to this project.  People share the pictures when they realize it is one of the best light displays in the country. 

Pillowcases!   I offered to help my sister, Marilyn, make 22 pillowcases for her daughter, Karlee’s students in an impoverished school in Jefferson County, Colorado.  When Marilyn first offered to make the pillowcases Karlee said, “well that’s a great idea Mom, but most of these kids don’t even have a pillow to sleep on.  So Marilyn ordered 22 pillowcases from Target and had them delivered to the school. 

Season of Advent!  I have several publications I read every day during Advent.  The morning prayer time always brings me a sense of peace during the busy days before Christmas.  This year I shared a word for each day with my grandchildren, sending them a text with my word for the day and why I chose the word.  I know it’s a Grandma thing – a gift that costs no money or anxiety about what to buy for these beauties in my life!

Cancer!  My cousin’s daughter has a rare form of lymphoma and is currently undergoing chemo for the second time this year.  She considered herself cancer free just months ago, but now is back in the throes of cancer treatment.  Her words from her caring bridge blog gives me hope this day, “I've heard several people describe their life and journey through cancer as BC (before cancer) and AC (after cancer), terms which seem so poignant now within my own experience.  Depending on which thoughts I choose to tune into, at times I feel a deep mourning for how carefree life truly was before cancer, and yet others I am grateful to the perspective afforded on life that I know I wouldn't have been able to see before going through something so life altering.  Ahhhh....its not always comfortable but I am growing, I am breathing, and in the words of the great Jon Kabat-Zinn, I know that there is more right with me than wrong with me. Andy, the kids and I couldn't be more grateful to be wrapped in the endless, boundless love that we are surrounded by....from the bottom of our hearts, thank you for lifting us up.”  

Family Stories.  My daughter-in-law’s father, Dan McCarthy, celebrated his birthday on Christmas Day.  He wrote hundreds of editorials for the Cleveland, Ohio, diocesan newspaper and his daughter, Mary Pat, compiled several into a book, which I re-read recently.  He described a trip from the base in Boston to his hometown in Ironton, Ohio, in which he had to ride a boring train, a bus, and eventually hitchhike to his home. 

I'm delighted to be writing my own story, thanks to a gift from Dena!  I am filled with hope as I contemplate all God's gifts to me over the past 70 plus years.

 

Christmas Music!  I’ve been bemoaning to anyone who would list that I cannot play CD’s in my new car.  My brother, Larry, gave me over a dozen Christmas CD’s over the years and I’ve enjoyed listening to each one.  Today I received a small package that contained a thumb drive with all my favorite Christmas music on it.  Colin spent hours transferring these music files to a computer and then onto the thumb drive.  It’s truly a gift that opens my heart this day. 

Christmas Gifts.  Anne asked me early in December what I wanted for Christmas.  "I need nothing," I told her, "but I'd really like peace, love, harmony in the world."  She remembered my comments and Colin presented me with this ornament to hang on my tree.  He designed the image and then printed it on a small piece of foam board!   Karen gave me this precious ornament, a family picture that I can hang on my tree.

The words, "blessed" speak to me about the incredible gift my family is to me.

White Christmas Eve. I woke up, in Moscow, on Christmas Eve to the magic of snow.  The electric power had been off since 4 AM, so I sat in the dark and reflected on the beauty of the landscape covered with snow.  

Even though our news is filled with the government shut-down, the stock market falling, and other bad news I prefer to have hope, knowing that God's love surpasses all understanding this Holy Christmas Day.